Sometimes, you want to write something that you're pretty sure is not a good idea. It might alienate people, or rub them the wrong way. Am I going to publish this post? I'm not sure - if you're reading this now, then the answer was yes. If you don't like this post, I'm truly sorry, because I don't like to make people feel bad.
We all have aversions to words - sometimes we have a reason for it, sometimes we don't know why.
There are several terms I have a dislike for; feminine is one, girly is another. I don't feel comfortable with the connotations that these words confer, because they imply that the reality of 'woman' is synonymous with, for example, softness, daintiness, and as such, weakness. I'm very much of the 'gender as a mask' school of thought, and I don't believe that we need to ascribe gender stereotypes onto neutral concepts. There is no reason at all that someone with xy chromosones couldn't wear dangly earrings, except for the cultural baggage we all put onto sex and gender.
Short point I have two xx chromosones and breasts. I don't need a 'feminine' necklace to make me a 'proper woman'
Don't leave me hanging here with this post though: if you agree, please share this (social media buttons are below). If you disagree, tell me why - I'm really interested and despite the evidence to the contrary, I'm not a judgey person :)
Gosh. I thought your post was going to be Earth shattering, so I was intrigued to read, and then it just made me laugh. Without meaning any offense - I think you are taking the words a bit too seriously.
ReplyDeleteYou can easily be feminine, dainty etc and a strong character. Yes a guy could wear dangly earrings, but you have to admit that (generally speaking)it would be slightly unusual in western society? There is an "average" view of what a "girly" person is like, but there is a very wide range of what that encompasses. That's just life - and words!
lol, I know, right?? I'm always super wary of causing offense, and I thoguht if someone used those words regularly, they might think I was getting at them personally!
ReplyDeleteI think I was having a flashback to my dissertation days - I did women's studies, and sometimes I get into that mindset again :D
Not sure whether I agree or not, really, Hazel! :) I can't say that I would ever describe any of my jewellery as 'feminine' or even 'girly', although I'd know what to make if someone asked for 'girly' and I wouldn't be offended by the term.
ReplyDeleteI've always thought that it would be nice if what was socially acceptable for a gender was less narrow - I don't like to be parcelled into a category and expected to stay there. I'd like to see men able to wear wear makeup without being thought effeminate, wearing dangly earrings etc. However, in our time, for the average person on the street? I don't see it happening. Attitudes can be changed, but it's a slow and arduous process, especially when they're such ingrained stereotypes.
And also, I kind of like to celebrate the difference between men and women. I think we should all be allowed to be what we wish, and I like that men are physically stronger etc. I don't think that has to be mutually exclusive to looking 'manly' though - my hubby has hip-length hair, and you wouldn't believe how many other men seem to take that as a personal affront to their masculinity!
Anyway, not sure I've really answered the question, and I've certainly rambled long enough, but it was an interesting point I hadn't really considered before! :)
Very interesting Louise :) I too am hoping for a society where gender (not sex) is neutral - but you're right, it's such a slow process! There has been a bit of movement with this, but it seems like we take two steps forward, one and a half back ;D
ReplyDeleteI love hearing people's opinions on this, so thanks for sharing :)
(I am jealous of your husband's long hair though...mine will never grow past my shoulders!)
If we're talking in the concept of wearing stuff:
ReplyDeleteI believe that people wear what they Like, rather than what 'society' or other people tell them to wear. That's how it should be anyway, that's how I work.
I wear a "feminine" necklace NOT to make me a woman, but because I am a woman and so enjoy things like that.
That doesn't mean a man can't like the same thing, it just means they tend not to - they wear the things they like.
I would agree completely if someone were to claim that feminine items make the woman, and women weren't allowed to wear certain things.
However if it is the other way round - embracing your interests and pleasures, then just go for it and forget the labels.
Thanks for replying Elizabeth - what stood out to me in your comment was this:
ReplyDelete"I wear a "feminine" necklace NOT to make me a woman, but because I am a woman and so enjoy things like that."
I agree that we're past women being told (implicitly or explicitly) that they can't wear certain things (almost entirely in the Western world)- what is a sticking point with me is that 'society' equates certain values with being 'a woman', when in reality, there is not really a biological femininity - femininity is a concept created by cultural influences themselves, for various reasons.
I guess some of this look like making a big fuss over little words, but the subtext behind them, the social forces and power, is quite facinating! (Well, to me...:D)
I had a very traditional boyfriend long ago who got mad that I didn't want to decorate my house for Christmas and make a ton of cookies like his mother. Exasperated, he nearly yelled at me, "Why don't you want to be a woman?!" and I said, "I have ovaries. I think that makes me a woman. Baking cookies has nothing to do with it!"
ReplyDeleteLove it Becca :D (The reply, not the sexism ;) )
ReplyDelete